And I heard behind me a voice

 
 
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NEW RIDE ANNOUNCED

The working party of Armageddon Alive are pleased to announce the finalisation of the plans for the SEVEN SEALS ride. 

The ride will be constructed on the eastern side of the complex, adjacent to the Alpha & Omega restaurant and opposite the Seven Letters Souvenir Shop.

Visitors will be seated merry-go-round horses which, instead of providing the standard circular ride, are attached to a moving chain that will carry them into a tunnel and through a sequence of apocalyptic experiences.

In the seven seals of Revelation, John was shown an outline of events which would characterize the successive stages of the Church's era.  As the ride progresses, visitors will move through this stream of time.

THE FIRST SEAL

As the first seal is opened a white horse appears and canters alongside the viewers for the space of thirty seconds.  This symbolises of the advance of the gospel in the first century. Through the missionary zeal of the early church the gospel was preached to every creature which is under heaven. The white horse indicates the church in its original purity. The crown, or victory wreath, shows its conquest over the power of the enemy.

THE SECOND SEAL

The second seal reveals a red horse which rears violently in front of the ride before rising into the darkness above with a terrifying neigh.  Red liquid is sprayed across the ride, this "blood" symbolising the removal of peace from the earth.  To the left, animatronic figures are decapitated with a massive two-edged sword, a reminder that from the beginning of the second century until Constantine’s edict of A.D. 313, church-going was illegal throughout the Roman empire, and believers were terribly persecuted.

THE THIRD SEAL

As the ride progresses, a black horse now canters alongside the viewers, symbolising that in the 200 years following A.D. 313, the church had lost its original purity. Its pale rider holds a pair of balances. A recorded voice cries out that the amount of money which previously was equivalent to a full day’s wage is now only worth a quart of wheat. A subliminal message to give generously to the funds of the Park at the end of the ride is flashed above the carnival steeds.

THE FOURTH SEAL

Now as the fourth seal is opened, a pale horse appears floating above the ride.  Seated on the saddle is an animatronic skeleton, its claw-like fingers reaching out for the people.  Here is a church that is lifeless and pale, and to either side of the ride, coffins rise up out of the earth, their lids fly off and decomposing bodies tumble out.  Here is Death, with the Grave close behind.  This represents the period of the Dark Ages during which the spark of true godliness was almost entirely extinguished. (This part of the ride is sponsored by the Prayer Book Union)

THE FIFTH SEAL

When the fifth seal is opened the pale horse disappears.  Screens on either side light up to show images of countless faces, their eyes uplifted, their sallow skin signifying that they represent t he cumulative deaths of millions of God’s people through centuries of oppression. 

The first five seals have brought us down to the mid 1700’s. The last part of the ride takes us through the signs of the end which appear under the opening of the sixth seal.

THE SIXTH SEAL

For the sixth seal the ride enters the four signs of the End Times, earthquake, a dark sun, a blood-red moon and the collapse of the heavens.  This part of the ride lasts for seven minutes. Initially the ride moves through the interior of a church, choral music playing in the background.  Suddenly the ground rocks violently and the walls and columns on either side collapse in clouds of dust, flames rising from the rubble.  (Breathing apparatus will be available on all the horses).  Then the light begins to dim until all is darkness, and above the ride an image of the moon appears, slowly turning red.  Bathed in this unearthly glow the ride progresses slowly through the chaos when, without warning, streaks of light flash downwards from the ceiling.  The sky is lit with the trails of thousands of meteors. Blasts of hot air fire upon the ride, great fans create a howling gale, and measured amounts of ash are released over everyone.

THE SEVENTH SEAL

Suddenly all falls still, and the ride moves towards a large angelic figure as a taped voice reads verses from the 7th chapter of revelation: "Do not harm the earth or the sea or the trees, till we have sealed the servants of our God upon their foreheads."  As the ride reaches the exit doors laser-guided jets spray a red mark neatly on the forehead of each visitor.

A dry-cleaning service will be located at the end of the ride offering reasonable rates.