Leading Undertakers to the Admiralty
Established AD 1879
THE BASIC PACKAGE - £999.00 + VAT
- Specially designed 7' inflatable dingy, plus oars.
- Photocopies of relevant sea charts.
- Priest/Minister on the shore with loud-hailer.
- Flask of tea.
THE ECONOMY SAFETY PACKAGE - £1099.00 + VAT
- As above, but with accompanying jet skis and a trained Wenchoster
Municipal Swimming Baths
lifeguard.
THE ROYAL NAVAL PACKAGE - 32,000,000 Doubloons
- Commissioned 45' coastal patrol vessel with crew.*
- 4 large barrels of rum.
- Scandinavian sea-shanties.
- A Naval Chaplain of your choice.
- All necessary flags and bunting.
- 12 cannon salute (not recommended in harbour areas).
- Cocktail party afterwards, with surprise VIP visit.
(* All-male crew. The WRNS are unable to provide a service on such vessels.
Should a WREN presence be preferred, the crew can make necessary adjustments to
their uniform.)
THE SURREAL/SURPRISE PACKAGE - Price by negotiation
- No guessing what surprises are included in this increasingly-popular
funeral deal! We begin on a reproduction model of the very ship on which St.
Paul made his historic voyage, with crew dressed in late 19th century
Tractarian vestments. The service is performed in mime, and officiated by a
screen-goddess look-alike, with sound effects of screaming gulls and Gregorian
chant. The ship is escorted by marines landing craft - each one containing a
life-size model of Britannia and King Neptune. The service concludes with a
realistic shipwreck - and lots of pathos on an upturned hull!
THE CHOICE IS YOURS!
HURRY NOW AND CLAIM YOUR DISCOUNT AND ENTRY INTO THE PRIZE
DRAW!
EXTRAS - Price on application
- Professional SCUBA video crew to capture those special moments - on deck,
and under the water. Catch the congregation turning green - and the moment
when the stiff goes splash!
- Full-piece 104 part orchestra actually in the water! (Not available
October - March)
- A personal appearance by the Lord Bishop of Wenchoster (Diocesan
engagements permitting)
